The Ethics of Communication (Not Educational I Swear)

So, it is, and has been for some time, the 21st Century and I think there should be a guideline for protocol when it comes to the following popular forms of communication: Texting, The Returning of Phone Calls, Emails, and Facebook. Someone with even the most miniscule knowledge of affable behavior or interpersonal etiquette within social settings should know, to a degree, the ways to act. However, I’m finding it more and more common for people to choose the low road of courtesy over the high.

3 Rules for Texting
1. You have 24 hours to return an un-responded text (Should it warrant response). After that, you have shown the sender that you chose not to use one of your 1,440 minutes in that day to think about them.
2. A recipient has a three day grace period to respond to an unanswered succession of texts over said three day period. Should a response of any kind be withheld, you have now been deleted from the contact list. We can only hope you aren’t in a Guatemalan jail or trapped in Roman Polanski’s pool house.
3. Confusing denotations and unclear verbiage cannot be taken personally until a verbal conversation has clarified any and all misunderstanding. After that, swing away.

4 Rules for Phone Calls
1. If the person calls you more than twice a day (and isn’t you wife/husband or immediate family member), you are only obligated to take every other phone call. Is it so hard to think that you get busy, and they need to find someone else to bother at times?
2. If you haven’t heard from the person calling you within the last 6 months, you are obligated to take the call wherever you may be at the time. You’ve kept their number for 6 months without using it, you know you want to talk to them.
3. It is NEVER acceptable to call someone, or take a call, while going number 2. (Rule number 2 is the exception; for the sake of irony)
4. I’ve warmed up to the idea of a Blue Tooth, but please confine them to their state mandated use of driving hands-free. No blue tooth in the line at the grocery store or while at the urinal. I was super confused when that guy rescheduled our appointment and kept calling me Donna while I was peeing.

4 Rules for Emails
1. It should go without saying, but, NEVER forward anything without my specifically asking you to. Not ever. Never never never. Stop it. Bad.
2. If your computer sends “Read-Receipts” and the email explicitly requires a response, make sure you send the response within an hour of reading the email. I know you read the fuckin thing. Now you’re just ignoring me.
3. Referring people when signing up for anything online is malicious behavior. I got a phone call from some used car lot the other day and the guy already knew my name and where I live; thanks a million for the alley-oop there Bill. Just know that Dish Network now thinks you are looking to sign up for their services but just can’t get through to them on the phone.
4. ALL CAPS MEANS YOU’RE YELLING AT ME GRANDMA.

The Mighty Facebook
1. If it isn’t going to be painfully obvious to me who you are, please reference how we know each other in a friend request or message. If you get denied, you should probably stop blocking your entire page from people.

Which leads me to…

2. Don’t block your entire page from people. I get it, you have whorish pictures on there that you don’t want family to see, or, you are afraid that the weird guy from the office who breathes ready loud is going to stalk you. It’s understandable. But, at least leave basic information available so that I can see if the blind date my buddy set us up on is actually going to be worth it.
3. Facebook age cut-off is 55. The acquiring of Social Security cancels out your need for online social networking. Unless at one point you were President of something. Or refuse Social Security.
4. Parents should never post anything on their children’s wall or on pictures not including their own face or someone older than them. By taking pictures with people equal to or older than your parents, you have signed your folks’ pass on commenting.
5. Don’t get mad if people don’t respond in the chat bar. Not a lot of people know how it works. Smart people do.
6. You keep sending me weird little application requests (Farm something, Mafia something else, etc). I keep actively ignoring them. Please stop.


Anyways. Just my two cents for the morning.