What to do when you drunkenly spill beer on your groin and then have to walk around.

Here we go. And just to be clear, we're talking jeans here folks, non of this quick wick polyester bullshit. You khaki wearing queers.

1. Excuse yourself to the restroom, diligently scrub your crouch with paper towels until there's nothing but little white bunnies all over your shit and you think it's no longer noticeable.

2. Play it off like you were just THOROUGHLY washing your hands and it's just some "Splash".

3. Spill even more beer all over the table and blame it on that.

4. Actually pee your pants and pray for a sympathy angle from one of the waitresses when you proceed to explain that you lost your ability to control your urinary function while defending our country in the war that you have the most knowledge in.

5. Listen for an obnoxious man yelling from around the room. Walk up to him, say the following, "What's wrong with you!? My name isn't Tony and I don't even know your brother!!". And then force his drink into your lap.

6. Trade the bathroom attendant for his (more than likely) very large shirt and let it hang low.

7. Do like the rest of us and just keep rubbing at it when no one is looking and pray to Christ it dries before someone wants you to stand up and go do something while everyone else remains seated.

End Random Lesson of Life.