So as I'm sure you've all noticed, I've been on a bit of an extended retreat from the blog for the last few months; and before that I've become a bit unreliable in my contributions to the literary plethora that is the individually contributed and maintained world of blogging. I met someone; a girl someone; that made me fall in love so quickly that all I wanted to do was be with her. And when I couldn't be with her all I wanted to do was think about being with her. She lives about 2 and a half hours away from me and the distance between us made things hard. I thought, no, I KNEW it would be alright for me, but I wasn't sure about whether or not it would be alright with her. However, as time moved forwards, I began realizing things about myself that I never knew were there. I learned things about myself that will be significant elements in my advancement in life; and, I learned things about the person I want to become in the future. All because of this girl.
It kind of blows my mind that in life people can makes things so clear and profound, things that once seemed so diluted and possibly invisible to ourselves because the only time we are ever forced to look at ourselves is when we need to make sure our shirt looks good with the shoes we have on. I hadn't taken a look at myself in a while and now that I am, I see that there's quite a bit of house cleaning to do. She has allowed me to be brutally honest with myself in that I am flawed, as are all of us, to a great degree in areas we are almost unaware existed. As an example, I've never really needed to take a look back and see how my values or codes of life have projected onto people simply because I've never had any negative feedback in the past based on my behavior. So just because the lighting in Macy's is a little too bright doesn't mean everyone runs to management and makes a comment for the box (if you see the correlation, not that I'm calling myself Macy's, I'm more of a Salvation Army I would have to guess). The point is, unless someone points out a genuine flaw in our behavior or presence, we are simply going to remain unchanged, and content with ourselves as we are. This is cake, fine, and dandy for little things: I am a bargain guy, I became that way from years of frugality from shopping with my mother(and Bill Fleckenstein's MSN Money updates), and I am never going to try and change that part of me. This is just one of the things that (though others may see it as odd to wear clothes that other people have worn, or to shop at dollars stores like they are going out of business) I am going to do for the rest of my life. However, presenting my beliefs and personal requirements to other people in a way which allows no bending or margin for error on their part is one of my serious flaws. This is something I need to work on.
So I'm back, and I'm needing this as an avenue of therapy and I'm thinking about sending a picture of my disgustingly out of shape body to one of those health magazines so they can make me into some super human health machine and do a before and after picture. Maybe I'll do it for you guys and we can do some kind of "Lose 10 lbs. before Christmas" kind of things. I'll check it out.
It's good to be back. D
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