Imagine the following:
A giant gorilla holds a Baskin-Robbins
hostage for its entire mint chocolate chip supply; it then proceeds to make its
way over to the Cheesecake Factory and gnarf down three times its body weight
in delicious treats, only to realize it’s still hungry. Cut to a Papa Murphy’s that will never
recover from the damage he has caused; windows bashed in, small high school
student employees crying and trying to identify the bandit…and there’s now a
worldwide shortage of pepperoni.
This was my diet this weekend. A full blown rampage of culinary catastrophe
blended with an insatiable need to destroy any and all hope my diet had for
survival. It was a blood bath.
So. Here I am. Monday morning. Luckily the gorilla was killed by a couple of
snickers bars at nine forty five last night and he retreated back to his cave
of shame and heartburn. May he rest in
peace (the shit eating bastard). Now I
pick up the pieces and start anew; gorilla free. I’m pretty sure I should have more self control
than this.
2 comments:
Oh Doris, maybe you should try channeling a spirit animal that has a smaller appetite lol perhaps a fruit bat, or chinchilla...
I'm going to go with kangaroo mouse for today.
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