Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Admitting It

   
        Totally went to the gym last night, and this morning.  I’ve grabbed my horrifying sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits by the nards and twisted.  So, as a change, instead of just writing down the things I’ve been doing (working out and eating wise), I’ve decided to share some of the food and fitness related embarrassments that I’ve committed over the course of my weight inflation.  I’m sure that many of you have done the some of the same things but have just been ashamed to admit it (maybe even to yourself); but I feel like I owe it to myself to write them down and get them out so I can move past it.

1.       I’ve gotten home early and taken food to my room and hid it before anyone else got home so I could eat it in bed and no one would see me sneaking it when they were around.

2.       I’ve made excuses NOT to go out with friends because I wanted to eat junk food and stay at home and watch television.

3.       I’ve eaten an ENTIRE large Round Table pizza to myself.

4.       I’ve lied about what I’ve eaten in a day because I was embarrassed to admit it to someone.

5.       I’ve knowingly sacrificed my health for crap food that just made me feel bad about myself.

6.       I get annoyed with watching people eat because of what food means to me.

7.       I’ve actually been addicted to fast food and gotten genuinely upset when I can’t have it.

8.       I forgot what a plum, peach, and mango tasted like.

9.       I wear sweatshirts when it’s hot outside because I don’t like what I look like in t-shirts.

10.   I haven’t been outside without a shirt on in 3 years (even in my own yard).

11.   I’ve had a hangover at least two days a week for as long as I can remember.

12.   My mental acuteness has suffered because of my unhealthy lifestyle.

13.   I’m almost positive I have made irreversible damages to my body and length of life due to my behavior.

14.   I find it incredibly hard to have a meaningful relationship with a woman because I am so insecure about my own body and behavior.

      These are some of the things that I have tried to hide from everyone as well as myself over the course of nearly half a decade.  Now that I can look at this list, it really instills conflicted emotions, both of sadness and joy; I am sad that I let my life become so unmanageable and depressing but at the same time I see the huge gap of improvement I am able to make by changing.  I can’t say whether I’ll stick to this whole lifestyle improvement or not, but I can say one thing for sure, I’ve never been able to admit to the things above to anyone, not even myself.  This is a good start.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awesome Daris!
I love the honesty here... it's not like we all don't do it to ourselves, but realization and accountablility are HUGE steps in my book :)
Love you buddy,
hanzbanz

Anonymous said...

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