Macaroni and Me

I was sitting in my kitchen, cooking up some mac and cheese and thought that it would be fun to take apart the pepper mill and see how it worked while my water was boiling. Little did I know that a time bomb of black death was sitting quietly in my hungry hands. I continued stirring the noodles and water while unscrewing the lid.

Let me set the scene a bit for a better visual: My kitchen is a fuckin' mess. There are plates, cups, fruit bowls...everything I own is on the counter of my kitchen.

I finally get the pepper mill open and look inside, of course there isn't the regular ground pepper one would expect, just the little pellet, rabbit shit looking pieces of pepper. Now, based on the name of this quote, you thought you saw how this story was going to end: pepper in the nose, Daris sneezes, drops the mac and cheese, the end...oh no. The water finishes boiling, I get out the milk, butter, and disgusting, yet delicious, artificial powder that is to be added to make the contents of the blue and yellow box come to life. As I tear open the powder bag the pepper grinder mysteriously falls off the bar into the pot of water, I get scared, rip the bag open, yellow shit goes everywhere, I knock the milk onto the floor trying to save what I could of the yellow crack being powder bombed in the room, and drop the whole paper package into the bowl of noodles. Now I am standing there, milk draining onto the floor, cheese shit everywhere, the paper package for the cheese shit is sitting the pot of boiled water, and the only thing I can think of is how i am going to be able to capture the aforementioned events in a blog. So I start cleaning up the yellow asbestos on the linoleum, and pretty soon I get a nice little cloud of the poweder going and sneeze for like ten minutes. Long story short, by the time I was done trying to make mac and cheese I was sitting in a cloud of mustard gas so frustrated and pissed off at Kraft, I had to take a nap. Now I am really hungry and all I have is another box of mac and cheese. WTF.

Cookies, Pregnant Men, Boobs, Jesus, and Jose Canseco

Sitting at my desk I was thinking about what to write about. My sunburn from Tahoe is slowly subsiding, I ate dinner and went to bed last night and since I've been at work, not a whole heck of a lot has happened...with me.



Thanks to Jay Ay Em I was sent a little nugget of gold via email just a few moments ago. So, in light of this deliciously funny story, I have decided to post the top 5 funniest stories I was able to find on the Internet this morning. Enjoy!

Sweet Driving Skills

Manual labor isn't recommended while pregnant...dude

What happens when the "Boob Inspector" acts like a Dic

For the love of God, keep those boobs away from Winnie!

Jose Canseco looks to add injury to Insufficient Funds


Yay! Now wasn't that entertaining. Maybe we'll do this more often. Thanks Jay Ay Em!