Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Tinder Complex

Hey there guys, I haven't written anything in an inexcusable amount of time so I figured I should probably supply a smile for the day to those who enjoy this my insecurities and misfortune.

As a newly single man, a friend in Georgia enlightened me about a new app called "Tinder" which is essentially a pseudo dating app allowing two people to connect based on 4 pictures and three lines of informative nonsense.  Here's the gist: You are presented pictures of people, presumably in your geographic region and targeted demo, and you can select whether or not this person is attractive enough for your fabricated, nonsensical, standards or not.  At the same time, other Tinder-ers are out there doing the same thing and, upon having made a match in which one person settles for the limited mates within their region as well as the other persons looks, and the other person has had enough beer to allow them to accidentally hit "Like" instead of "Nope", you are pared with each other and a message board is presented to both parties for communication.

Now that I have briefly described the essential operational procedure for this app, let me tell you this: As idiotic as this sounds, and as much of a game as it is supposed to be, in the first week I had only one person match with me.  Carson City (et al) is not a large area and, seeing as there have been easily over 100 women to which I have swiped "Like" or "Nope", I would imagine that there would be at least a few gals out there who wants a piece of this.  I did not despair however, I continued forward with the hopes that everyday there would be new a woman discovering this app thanks to their friend in Georgia.  I was right!  Every day there have been approx 4-5 new faces on the app that now, more than before, carry more weight that when I originally began.  I don't even read the personal quips anymore; hell, I barely look at the pictures.  It just "Like", "Like", "Like".

I'm now 2 1/2 weeks into this app and still, the single match sits, unaccompanied by anyone even remotely interested in a 29 year old, employed, homeowner with family values and a motorcycle.  So, in the spirit of keeping my head up, I decided it was time to broaden the search because, let's face it, there's no reason for me to corner myself into the wildly inappropriate demographic that is 20-40 year old females...

I moved the bar to include women up to the age of 45.  Holy smoking hot meat market, Daris is cougar bait!!  I had 4 matches in the first 10 pictures.  Granted, this was a HUGE confidence booster, until I realized that the "mutual facebook friends" icon, which until now had remained sporadic at best with women being mutual friends with my professional snowboarding friend and bar owning cohorts, was now matching their friends to friends' of my friends' parents.  To put it this way, Tinder had found women who were friends with my mom...and friends with (older) people I know from work...and the lady that works at the Texaco.

After moving the bar down to 20-35...I think I'll just stick to going to bars and finding events in the local rags to meet women.  I don't know if the Tinder Complex I've developed is all that healthy and I don't think I'm ready to go on a date with a woman who keeps her Costco coupons in her day by day vitamin box.  Still, I can't help but look at my phone from time to time and wonder if one of those out-of-reach women has possibly left her child alone with her iphone long enough for the kid to accidentally "Like" Daris' profile.  I guess we'll have to wait and see.

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