My 2008 Christmas List

1. Portable Interfacing Unit of Moderate Price and Capacity (Laptop)

2. Unitarily Accepted form of Exchangeable Currency to Amazon.com and/or some/all of it’s Selective Subsidiaries. (Amazon.com Gift Card - Conveniently offered online at www.amazon.com)

3. The hind end remains of a bovine or genetic relative to be tanned and manufactured for the sole and specific purpose of housing minute remnants of a tapest-esque disposition used in transactions requiring the action of exchanging said monetarily orientated tapestries. (A new wallet, preferably a Stafford)

4. A dreamscape bound in wonderment; a true-to-life representation of Joseph’s Technicolor Dream Coat; an 88-key life raft of perseverance and possibility; a rectangular guide dog used by creative minds in an effort to explore their innermost desires and outermost eccentricism. (Some form of piano/keyboard)

5. A multi-cylinder powered motor to be stored and operated inside of a carbon steel chamber which, suspended 20-30 inches above the terrain, would be used primarily, if not solely, adjacent to the rich bounty of the Lord’s terra firma as a means of powering two circular objects which, in the act of making direct and semi-constant contact with the ground, would thrust the carbon steel chamber into the desired geographical direction. (Dirt Bike)

6. A pony.(A pony)

7. The societal element which allows one to become self influentially ostracized due to the taboo reference of such a collection of artifacts at a time when said artifact is criticized for being requested as a complimentary bestowment at a time of Christian reverence and familial celebration. (Money. You had to read that one twice. Go ahead, read it again. You’ll get it.)

8. An athletically derived orb used by sports figures whom have no sense of practical attire, gratitude, or self control; generally orange or of a mahogany derivation, this inflated globe single handedly made it cool to be the only 7’ 2” white guy in Boston.(A Basketball)

9. Extremity-specific heat capacitor used in the collection and preservation of thermal energy generated by the human body during times of extreme cold or vigorous activity. (Gloves)

10. Any celebratory dissemination of tangible goods which exceed the personal, societal, or monetary value of those celebratory items gifted to any other member of our immediate nuclear family whose age is less or equal to my own current annual value at the time of the celebratory gifting. (Anything, as long as it’s cooler than what Kenny gets)