Bear Fight

This is the greatest thread ever. Girls probably won't enjoy it but, believe me, Seth, Ken, Dave, Eli, and Hose B; you gotta read this shit.


Bear Fight

Stupid Stork

So I've been around tons of babies as of late due to the incessant bombardment of suckling tots within my general vicinity wherever I find myself. I have no problems with babies being around, I love babies. I’m just finding that playing with other people’s babies is kind of like test driving a car; some folks have kids that are like Ferraris or Bentleys that have the ability to make you never want to leave them and be forced to return to your broke-down 1981 Datsun 280ZX of a childless existence while others are cursed with a child so disturbed that after ten minutes with them I find solace in imagining myself sitting in my broke down vehicle in a sealed garage trying to get the motor to turn over for the sole purpose of acquiring carbon monoxide poisoning. Whichever scenario parents find themselves in, a good child or unruly one; they unearth unconditional love in the eyes and smiles of their children and almost instantaneously become part of an elite community of patient and care-giving human beings. I find myself wanting more and more to become part of this community and yet I still suffer uncontrollable fear when thinking of another life form relying on my maturity and instinctual prowess to be able to keep it alive. Women tell me that I have a “knack” for children and I can’t deny that I generally get more giggles and smiling mouth bubbles from babies than I do screams and squirms, yet, I’m wrestling with the thought that I may not be the ideal candidate to have children based on my need for self-fulfillment and lack of financial opulence. I have a lot of friends who have had to sacrifice a million things in their life due to an unexpected newborn and they all maintain that their lives have been enriched and taken a turn for the better in immeasurable leaps and bounds. However, staying true to my facetiously, yet realist, roots, I preserve that these folks are just in denial and haven’t the time to reminisce on the “what might have been” because they are too busy trying to change a diaper in a McDonalds bathroom or figuring out how to make 20 dollars buy 40 dollars worth of groceries. Keep in mind that this is only in reference to my friends who have had unplanned children. I know an exponentially greater number of couples who have planned and prepared for the magic of parenthood and to them I say kudos. For some reason though, I can’t help but to inadvertently acknowledge the pitfalls suffered by the first group of unprepared parents and see that to be the standard of what awaits every potential father. Then again, as a professional bachelor I must say that I don’t exactly have the counterbalancing opinion and input of a woman to provide the pros of the situation and the rewarding fruits reaped through procreation. I guess I should probably go out and get a girlfriend and rewrite this piece with a bit more sensitivity and a feel for the nurturing elements I seem to be currently lacking. Baby steps Daris, baby steps.